I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He passed out mid-signature
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
