Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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