Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
