I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
