Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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