Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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