I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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