I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
