bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
