Swine flu. Run for my life!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
