Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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