i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
