You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
