every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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