My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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