are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
