my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
