OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
