Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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