I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
