Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
