i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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