I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
