I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
