Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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