I need to stop coming to work sober
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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