Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
