something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
