ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
