You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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