Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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