So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
