I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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