I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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