The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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