Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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