I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
