Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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