maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think my moral compass just broke
I did not marry a roomba.
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