Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
