Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
