you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
