May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
