oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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