omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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