Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
