whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
