mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
