your parents love me but you hate me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i dont even know how to be here
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
