im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
