i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
