Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
