I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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