I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
