the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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