So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
