I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
