Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
