It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
