Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
