Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
