You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What a dumb baby whore.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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