Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
time to smoke my breakfast
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So much Jack, so little girl.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
