You're my little dorito
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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