that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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