I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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