Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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