All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
