I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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