There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
