cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
