I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
