My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
