i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
